Happier Days?You may rightfully ask yourself, why didn’t he fight for her? I admit, I didn’t fight for her. She has knowingly done this to me for almost a year and I knew that I would never recover mentally if I tried to convince her to stay with me. I also knew that I would become more and more paranoid and make meaner and meaner comments to her (something I'm already doing) that would eventually drive her away anyway. For me, even if she hadn’t physically cheated on me at this point I knew it would happen eventually because she no longer cared about “We” in the way I did.
I told her when everything happened last year that I wanted her 100% and no less because I loved her 100%. Well, when she told me that she wanted to split from me she said she was 60% sure. A far cry from the 100% that I wanted and deserved. I knew that she had made up her mind long ago and I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me. It’s hard to believe that at the same time she was writing such sweet things about me on our blog that she was thinking about divorcing me but if you check the timeline it’s true.
She was a ghost the entire time in Florence, her mind was on divorcing me and spending more time with her crush but when you read that entry it’s crazy to think that a week later that person would ask for a divorce. I loved Allie because she was so logical and rational among all of the other great qualities, and above all, she was always the same person. Anyone who thinks love isn’t rational is wrong. Look at the person you are in love with and ask yourself if they represent the highest of your values. She did. They have to be a direct reflection of your highest values or else you’re simply evading reality (borrowing heavily from my favorite author) and that can only end badly. Allie had always been that way for me. My values haven’t changed so whose did?
Over the last year and especially the last few months she became like a stranger to me. I thought it was because living and working abroad for two years will change a person but I think it has to be more than that. She has become obsessed with her body image among other things. She told me that she has a lot of negative thoughts about herself and that she doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore. Pretty scary, I tried to support her for so long about these things but nothing I did or said seemed to help. No matter how many times I told her she looked more beautiful than ever or that she had lost a lot of weight her response was always that she felt “gross” or that she had just gained four pounds over the week even though she hadn’t stepped on a scale for months and months.
My praise and support wasn’t enough and she has really been feeding off of all of the attention she has been receiving from her male students. She told me that she had never received so much attention before and that it felt really good. I suppose it is kind of like a drug for a girl or even a guy to hear how beautiful they are from the opposite sex. It turned out to be a drug that I couldn’t compete with.
I told her when everything happened last year that I wanted her 100% and no less because I loved her 100%. Well, when she told me that she wanted to split from me she said she was 60% sure. A far cry from the 100% that I wanted and deserved. I knew that she had made up her mind long ago and I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me. It’s hard to believe that at the same time she was writing such sweet things about me on our blog that she was thinking about divorcing me but if you check the timeline it’s true.
She was a ghost the entire time in Florence, her mind was on divorcing me and spending more time with her crush but when you read that entry it’s crazy to think that a week later that person would ask for a divorce. I loved Allie because she was so logical and rational among all of the other great qualities, and above all, she was always the same person. Anyone who thinks love isn’t rational is wrong. Look at the person you are in love with and ask yourself if they represent the highest of your values. She did. They have to be a direct reflection of your highest values or else you’re simply evading reality (borrowing heavily from my favorite author) and that can only end badly. Allie had always been that way for me. My values haven’t changed so whose did?
Over the last year and especially the last few months she became like a stranger to me. I thought it was because living and working abroad for two years will change a person but I think it has to be more than that. She has become obsessed with her body image among other things. She told me that she has a lot of negative thoughts about herself and that she doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore. Pretty scary, I tried to support her for so long about these things but nothing I did or said seemed to help. No matter how many times I told her she looked more beautiful than ever or that she had lost a lot of weight her response was always that she felt “gross” or that she had just gained four pounds over the week even though she hadn’t stepped on a scale for months and months.
My praise and support wasn’t enough and she has really been feeding off of all of the attention she has been receiving from her male students. She told me that she had never received so much attention before and that it felt really good. I suppose it is kind of like a drug for a girl or even a guy to hear how beautiful they are from the opposite sex. It turned out to be a drug that I couldn’t compete with.
Real Homies, Down since I picked him up from Pier 77
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