My Breakdown

"We do not claim that the portrait we are making is the whole truth, only that it is a resemblance." Victor Hugo

After three weeks of avoiding each other while being in the same apartment, I was ready to finally get the cards on the table. Allie was supposed to come home Friday afternoon (June 6th), she had normally been arriving home at about 3p.m. It wasn't until 5p.m. that I got a text message saying that she was staying for the weekend so she could go to the local festival they were having. My heart sank.

I figured she was staying there so she could stay with her "crush" for one last weekend because she was finished with her course in Loreto and would no longer get to be with him during the week. But naturally, she didn't say that's what she was doing, so I hoped for the best. I figured she might be staying with Jules and another one of our friends, Dallas. On Saturday afternoon, I saw Dallas, my heart sank again. Then later in the evening I saw Jules at the Abbey, it was like a stab through my heart. At this point, the truth was all too obvious. I decided to leave the pub soon after I saw Jules.

Now here's where it gets a little embarrassing for me but I'll try to give the whole story. I walked out in a complete daze, not from alcohol though. I walked home, hoping to cool off and get rid of that jittery, sick feeling that was running through me. After the forty-five minute walk, I was really sick to my stomach. I tried to find sleep, but I couldn't stop thinking about what she was doing to me.

Unfortunately, I called her for the first time at 2a.m., no answer. Tried again. Tried again. She always answers her phone when I call. Then I called her at 3a.m., no answer. Tried again. Tried again. Then I took some Nyquil, read, watched some television, hoping that something would help, but to no avail. I called her at 4a.m. Finally, I went to sleep for about an hour because I was so exhausted and worked up. I woke up and I called her again. Anyway, you see what was happening. This pattern of sleep an hour, call Allie, sleep an hour, call Allie, continued up until like 9 in the morning. I probably called her fifteen times. I'm not proud of myself for losing control. For one of the first times in my life, I wasn't thinking rationally.