Like a Stone in the Sea

I don't know how to fully describe what's been happening to me over the last few weeks. In reality, I'm still fleshing things out. Life was good or so I thought. I was certain that A was A. I'm still certain A is A but life isn't so good. Lately, order has become a thing of the past for me. I used to know exactly what I had to do, whether it was for work, for Allie or whatever. Now I show up to lessons that were canceled. I hope this only because right now half of my students are on holiday so it's hard to keep track of who has lessons and who doesn't. However, I don't remember having this problem last summer.

My social life is also a bit strange at the moment. Maybe it's because I'm not working so much right now but I have no desire be at home but when I'm at home I have no desire to leave home, no desire to sleep, no desire to do much of anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm constantly doing things but a lot of the time I don't know if I'm doing it to do it or just to get out of the house. I'm really trying hard to not end up like Jon Favreau in Swingers, picture a broken and bearded man sitting alone on the floor of his empty apartment drinking orange juice from the bottle and eating beef jerky. I had planned to stay in last night and I was going to but then I got a phone call at 1:30 a.m. from some friends who were at a bar. A year ago I would have laughed, told them to bugger off and went back to bed with my beautiful wife. Now, I don't have a beautiful wife and I didn't have to work in the morning so I thought, "What the hell!" and caught a taxi a short while later.

When I meet new girls, I don't know what to say to them (this has always been a problem, now it's slightly different). Do I tell them my wife left me or just lie about most of my life and what I'm doing here and what I've done for the last seven years. It's amazing the number of times I've started sentences with the third person "We came to Rome..." and then I have to remember that it's only me now.