Past, Present and Future Tenses

I tried to tell her if you could not accept the past and its burden there was no future, for without one there cannot be the other, and how if you could accept the past you might hope for the future, for only out of the past can you make the future.

Robert Penn Warren - All the King's Men


I've been trying to write this post for about a month but every time I sat down to start I found myself at a loss for words. I'm starting to understand what Warren meant when he wrote that way back in the day. I know that I haven't accepted the past and its burden because I just can't seem to think about the future. The burdens of the past for me here in Rome are as ubiquitous as the city's churches. Before work last night I went to get some fried fish from a place WE used to go to. I passed by a bar that WE bought beer from once during a night out in Campo de Fiori. I'm struggling to move on. I know that as time goes on, I'll have new experiences with new people. These new experiences will slowly replace the old ones but for now it's hard for me to see that far into the future.

As for the good news, for there is some. I'm working a lot. Between lessons for the school, private lessons three evenings a week and three nights in the pub I'm really keeping it moving and making a little money. I just started teaching group lessons at the Ministry of Justice (comical given my status) and these new groups have made me realize how good I am after two years. Unfortunately, this has led me down a dark path and right into a dangerous question about my future, "Is this it?" Am I going to be teaching English from here on out? I'm not disparaging the profession in any way but am I not slouching towards Bethlehem (in terms of career choices)? Those are a few of the thoughts that occupy my troubled mind while I'm not working.